Addicted

Do any of you have a quiet addiction? Is there something you really must have every day or you feel deprived, unfinished? Have you tried to control your compulsion to whatever it is only to find that you can't?

With the exception of really good coffee, I've always asserted that I do not have an addictive personality. There are things I love and would hate to do without, like gelato, chocolate, pasta, and a Coca Cola Classic over crushed ice with lime, but I could if I had to.

I now have to admit that I have a serious addiction beyond coffee. I bet some of you reading this have the same one.

Does the following routine sound familiar?

You get up, check your iPhone/Android/Blackberry for text messages sent during the night, turn on your computer, get dressed for the day, make your coffee, check your email messages from more than one address, answer those that need a reply right away.

If you don't have a Smartphone that makes everything available to you anywhere and at anytime, you scan several news sources on your computer to find out what's going on in the world (NYT, CNN, Washington Post, Huffington Post, BBC, more...) before dashing out the door for work, class, errands.

On your way, you check your phone (and let's face it, yours is probably a smart one) several times for messages, answers to the emails you sent just ten minutes ago, Facebook updates, and WebMD to see if you should be concerned about the pain in your knee.

In the office or class or wherever you are, your phone and the outside world are only a glance away. It reassures you. Some of you spend the day doing legitimate work on the computer. There are books to write, reports due, stats to check, tele-conferences, finances to tend to, travel arrangements to be made, questions to answer, spreadsheets to work on and review.

Throughout the day your friends send you links to articles you have already read, but you appreciate that they are thinking of you. Texts come in saying "hi" or "just got up, feel terrible today." You are pleased that you were on their minds and write back, "hi," or "sorry."

Your phone or computer alerts you to more emails, so you read those and respond. You browse to see if anything new has happened in the world since you checked an hour ago. Then someone is sending you an IM. You chat for a bit. Oops -- now someone is trying to SKYPE. Do you look okay for the built-in camera? You need to research something, so you google it.

Some of you find this familiar. Come on. Admit it. Many of you do. You know you feel panicked if you leave your cell phone at home. You will even turn around and go back for it, afraid to miss anything. Let's face it: we're addicted.

It wasn't always this way.

When John bought his first computer in the early '80's, I was appalled at how much time he spent on it. For some years I referred to it as his mistress. Now he says I spend too much time on mine. The truth is, we often sit side by side in our own computer worlds for hours at a time. We read out loud to each other or tell the other to check out a particular site.

Our daughter once brought a friend home for the weekend who appeared at breakfast with a computer. I remember thinking it was odd. It was not a formal breakfast, but the kind where members of the family sit around drinking coffee, chatting and reading the newspapers. Except who reads papers anymore, except on the internet?

While out to dinner I used to be disturbed if a friend checked his/her phone for messages. Now I find most of us sit down and put our phones right next to our forks. Who knows when one might need to google or respond to a call?

For many, there is something comforting about being connected all the time. The author Jonathan Carroll once wrote, "I like receiving texts on my phone. It's like carrying that person around in my pocket."

Since we live in England and most of our families and best friends do not, that struck a chord with me. I don't feel isolated knowing we are all a text/chat/SKYPE/phone call away.

But still...don't you find that web addiction takes up too much time? Hours can pass while you are wired up and you don't even notice it. That cannot be a good thing (unless you are at an airport and your flight is delayed for six hours).

I realized the gravity of my addiction when a friend told me she was having a really bad day. She had lost her cell phone and her husband had left the day before to cover the war in Afghanistan. My response: "Oh, no! You lost your cell phone?!"

Something has to be done. I need to discipline myself. I am going to start by resolving not to look at anything on my computer until after 3 pm each day. Okay, make that 2 pm.