The restorative power of such an evening cannot be overstated. Women need their girlfriends.
This is not to say that our husbands/boyfriends/partners are not enough in our lives (or maybe it is), but sometimes you just need to be able to talk about things they might not be interested in, like: Do you think Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway had an affair as a result of all those hot sex scenes in the movie?
My friend is in the middle of a move and her husband is changing jobs, each a high stress situation. We have both just returned from the States after visits that included the holidays and complicated family matters.
As we settled back in the cab on a rainy London night, en route to the cinema, she sighed, "I really needed this." I knew what she meant.
A woman several years older than I am recently told me, "I prefer men. I like their company much more. I could do without women, couldn't you?"
My answer was a resounding, "No!" I like men and have a few male friends in whom I can confide, but they could never take the place of my girlfriends.
Fortunately, I am married to a man who understands this and is not threatened by it. He and I enjoy each other's company (usually), we like to do things together, we "get" each other's senses of humor (crucially important), and we share the same values.
All of those things make for a successful marriage, but hey, he's still not my girlfriend!
He is never going to understand things that are strictly between women (PMS, the best bra to buy, mothers-in-law, menopause, hair stylists, beauty secrets, old flames, the eternal feminine appeal of films like "Moonstruck" and "Dirty Dancing," or complaints about husbands and/or boyfriends).
To be fair, I am never going to understand the attraction of a noisy, smelly pub, rugby, or the films "Master and Commander" and "Shawshank Redemption." I still don't get what a "first down" is in American football, and I think the positions of "tight end" and "wide receiver" sound vaguely vulgar.
However, I don't mind at all if he wants to bond with his male friends and discuss the greatest plays in football history while downing several pints of beer or bottles of red wine.
A few years ago another friend needed time away from the demands of her family. We went to our place in Italy, stopping first in Rome. There we did something our husbands would not have been inclined to do: For dinner we had gigantic gelato concoctions at the fabulous 19th century Gelateria Giolitti. Why not?
A few other friends have joined me from time to time for an Italian respite from daily life and the results have always been the same:
After several days in which we lingered over cappuccini in cozy bars in the morning, visited famous sites if we felt like it, shopped in the daily markets in various towns, ate pasta for lunch and dinner if we wanted to, never passed a good-looking gelateria without stopping, took naps, sat by a blazing fire at home and talked endlessly about everything, each one felt relaxed and ready to resume daily life with renewed energy.
Times away like that are not often possible, but evenings out together are a good substitute.
Several years ago in Washington a friend was dumped egregiously by her soon-to-be-famous husband. Most of us preferred his company to hers, but the event triggered an automatic support group of girlfriends for her that continued for a long while.
One of my daughters has a solid group of girlfriends from high school who have remained loyal to each other through university, marriages, babies, illness, difficult times and joyful ones.
Sex and the City famously celebrated the importance of girlfriends, which is why more women than men are fans of the show. Did you go to the first SATC movie? How many men did you count in the audience?
Women can overlook the shallow emphasis on fashion and the vulgarity of the show because the friendship among those women is familiar, powerful and often poignant.
Carla Bruni and Angelina Jolie have something in common, aside from beauty, skeletal frames and a predatory/contemptuous attitude towards men: They both say they have no girlfriends.
Girls, what does this tell you about them?
Just yesterday I read that critically wounded Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was visited by two friends, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand and Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. They held her hand and told her all the things they were going to do when she recovered. After awhile, and for the first time since the horrific shooting, she opened her eyes.
The doctor in the room was astounded, saying it was "really, really significant progress."
Kirsten Gillibrand and Debbie Wasserman Schultz were elated by the turn of events. They believed at least part of it was attributable to "the power of girlfriends."
