Go to a restaurant and you might encounter a friendly waiter who, after spieling out a list of daily specials that you can't remember by the time he finishes, decides to tell you his life story. There are times when this might be interesting, but generally when people are dining with friends they want to talk to those friends, not the waiter.
The meal itself might be served in portions so large that the sight of it kills your appetite. People will feign shock at the size but then eat everything served. If they don't, the unconsumed parts are taken away in a doggy bag so they can chow down later. After seventeen years of living abroad, I can't think of a time when I have seen that done here.
Walk down the street and you will notice many people carrying a drink of some kind. Where did this compulsive thirst come from? Is there a high risk of dehydration when we go to the grocery store, drive the kids to school, or walk three blocks? Or is the styrofoam coffee cup, plastic water bottle and out-sized soft drink container now considered a fashion accessory?
Take a train from Washington to New York and you may find yourself sitting near someone who has decided to discuss office problems, scold children, argue with a spouse or breakup with a lover, all on a cellphone, and loud enough for the whole car to hear. I admit this can be entertaining.
I chose the "quiet car" on Amtrak recently but even then could not escape incessant chatter. The train broke down soon after leaving the station, which caused the conductor to seize the microphone. She never said anything new, but clearly liked the sound of her enhanced voice as she blared every fifteen minutes, "The engineers are on the ground,working on the problem. I repeat, the engineers are on the ground, working on the problem. We will keep you advised of our progress. I repeat, we will keep you advised of our progress."
Side note: The engineers on the ground made no progress and we transferred to another train.
A doctor or nurse might explain that something you have asked about is 99.9% normal and detail how and why it occurs. You are content with the answer, relieved, and think the subject has ended when they continue, "But of course that .1% could be the sign of an extremely rare and serious condition which is difficult to treat. I've never actually seen it myself, but I've heard it can happen."
Can't they just shut up?
Cable television, with its 300 channels but nothing to watch, is filled with talk, talk, talk. Or should I just say hot air? Political commentators, "experts," advisers, reporters, politicians, all have too much to say while saying nothing. Some do it in an hysterical, hyper-ventilating manner that makes the viewer think the world is coming to an end. "Breaking news" might be a robbery in Texarkana that is covered with "on the scene" reporters as if weapons of mass destruction had been found there.
While standing at a make-up counter in Bloomingdale's, wondering if the new "lifting" face cream will really lift, a customer unknown to you might announce that she is treating herself to a new foundation today because she is having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Did you need to know that while deciding between the berry berry and mocha shades of lipstick?
Then there is the airline ticket agent who decides to give his take on last night's football game and the new quarterback with the customer in front of you while a long line forms behind you.
One of the things I love about Americans is our openness, but sometimes it really isn't necessary to share.
I discussed these observations with a friend who said, "But the Italians talk a lot, too, and you don't mind that."
True. But Italians drink in cafes or bars and eat reasonable portions in restaurants. The waiters are generally polite but never intrusive. It is a profession in Italy, as it is in many parts of Europe.
But okay, Italians do have effusive discussions about everything, from the right way to cut a tomato to whether or not the Pope is gay. Do they discuss their colonoscopies with a total stranger? I don't know.
I do know that all that talk just sounds better in Italian.
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