We've all been there. Out to lunch or dinner with friends, the bill arrives. Everyone has ordered something different. Some are drinking and others are not. Two order coffee and the others don't. Some want dessert and the rest decline.
My inclination, though I am a non-drinker, is to always split the bill equally. I figure if we are friends who dine together frequently, things will even out in the future.
But there are those who watch the bill more closely. They offer the sum of what they ordered and no more. Is this good form or not? How should this be handled?
My father, a Mediterranean man to his core, will fight to pick up a check. I've watched him with his cousins, friends and my husband:
"Don't you dare! You're insulting me! Give me that check! You can buy me a cup of coffee sometime!" I like that about him.
I have a husband who often picks up a check, no questions asked. Sometimes he leaves the table quietly to pay a bill so arguments don't occur. I find that a classy move.
Growing up and living with that background, I am always taken aback when someone nitpicks a bill. But am I wrong to react that way?
I feel it is correct for others to observe the one who has ordered less and say when the bill arrives, "You had much less, so your share should only be..." or, "The rest of us will split the bill, but would you mind leaving the tip?"
The result is the same, so why does one seem crass to me and the other not?
Of course we have to assume that the big spenders at the table will notice the one who has been more restrained. If they don't, that's crass, too.
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