My last blog, Wish You Well? (November 1), struck a chord with many of you. I received lots of responses, most saying, "I know exactly what you mean!" One friend was pleased that I "put it out there."
I was told about someone who had been seriously ill and received loving care and attention from a large circle of friends. Now, years later and happy and healthy, she asks, "Where did they all go?"
A sister who innocently sent details of where she could be reached on her travels was shocked to learn that some of her siblings thought she was showing off a jet-set life.
A group of young single women, always very close, became stand-offish with the one who got engaged.
A woman of a certain age who got a little surgical assistance and looked wonderful heard that her friends were saying, "Well, she should! She had a major facelift!"
Then there are the people who bask in compliments about themselves but never think to return the favor when a friend does something well.
What is all this about?
The consensus among you is envy. I agree, but since I've put myself in a philosophical chair on this subject (and it's not a place where I am comfortable) let me throw this out to you: Could it be that if we are dissatisfied with ourselves and our accomplishments we find it hard to feel happiness for anyone else?
It doesn't matter if we are thought to have achieved a lot. It is all internal, how we think we are doing measured against how we thought we would do. Maybe the success or good news of a friend makes us feel as if we are failing if comparable things haven't happened to us. A friend reminded me of what the prolific and accomplished writer Gore Vidal once said, "Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something inside me dies."
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