We saw only one billboard advertising it, but there it was, on a Delhi overpass: a picture of a little girl in pink, with large soulful brown eyes and the message: Save the Girl Child. Stop female foeticide.
I've read about the killing of baby girls in rural, tribal areas of India but the sign in the capital city took me by surprise. I asked our guide if this was a problem everywhere in India. She said it was. Doctors are no longer allowed to perform sonograms that might reveal the sex of a child for fear of gender-selective abortions. No one aborts a boy.
The desire for sons, and the abortions of female fetuses and killing of baby girls has resulted in a population with not enough girls to go around when it is time to marry. In the tribal areas, this has forced parents to look outside of their tribes for brides, which is in itself a problem because they would prefer one from their own. If the trend continues, by 2019 there will be three men for every woman in the country.
Hasn't it occurred to anyone in these boy-loving countries that you need women in order to produce those boys?
The lives of many Indian women are not easy, no matter what class they belong to or how educated they are. The lives of poor women seem unbearable.
A 2011 TrustLaw danger poll ranked India as the fourth most dangerous place on earth for women, behind Afghanistan, Democratic Republic of Congo and neighboring Pakistan. The survey said 100 million women and girls are involved in prostitution and 50 million are "missing" in the last century because of female foeticide and infanticide. Almost 45% of girls are married off before they reach adulthood.
While some couples in India have modern marriages, meaning they choose each other, arranged marriages are still common. Our guide, a 37 year old from Delhi, with an MBA degree, told us her father, an accountant, chose her husband because he was also an accountant. Before their marriage she was shown his picture. I asked if she liked what she saw. She turned her neck and pursed her mouth in a way that indicated she did not.
"After I saw his picture, I met him once in person. The second time I saw him was at our wedding. It took two years before we were comfortable with each other. It was very difficult."
Can you imagine their wedding night?
She explained that the Indian bride must move into the house of the husband's family. "The mother-in-law will traditionally make a point of not being kind. She criticizes everything so you will learn to do things her way. We do not see our own mothers or sisters very often. It is not an easy life."
Fortunately, despite the disapproval of her mother-in-law, our guide's husband is "very flexible" and allows her to work outside of the home. He also likes her to wear jeans and "modern" clothing when they go out. They have two sons, eight years apart. The birth of the boys pleased her in-laws and her father. I asked if she ever wanted a daughter.
"Yes, very much. I was told if I waited a long time after the birth of my first son then the second baby would be a girl, but it was not true."
She had never been outside of India but her husband promised in five years his business would take them to England for two years. She looks forward to that, in part because she will then have a home of her own rather than sharing one with an extended family of sixteen people.
We talked to another guide, a male, in Varanasi. His marriage was also arranged. "I had nothing to say about it. I did not even know her name on the day we were married."
I asked if he was happy with how things had turned out. "Oh yes, I am happy. You see I have a big stomach? That is because my wife cooks delicious food every day, she takes care of my parents, and we have two sons."
There was a spectacular wedding on the grounds of our hotel in Varanasi. No expense had been spared for decorations, music, food. The groom arrived on horseback, his face hidden behind a curtained headdress. The bride, resplendent in red and gold, was carried into the wedding on a pale blue, flower-bedecked, chariot.
I learned the marriage was an arranged one. I was eager to see what the couple looked like. I've read the stories about fathers marrying their young daughters off to old men.
In this case the groom was young and handsome, and the bride young and beautiful. I hoped they were at least pleased with the looks of the other. We'll never know if they are compatible beyond that, or if they even like each other.
A few years ago I asked an Indian ambassador about arranged marriages (his was) and how they worked. He explained it was deeply ingrained in the culture and therefore easier to accept. "I like to compare modern and arranged marriages this way: the modern marriage is like a gas stove. It gets very hot, very fast. An arranged marriage is like an electric stove. It takes longer for it to get hot, but the end result is the same."
The adoration of sons is another thing deeply ingrained in Indian culture. A government campaign to "save, honor and educate the girl child" has a big task ahead.
