A Manner of Speaking

"Italy Closes the Door on Gypsies," was a front page, above the fold, story in the print version of The Washington Post yesterday.

What surprised me most about the article was the liberal use of the word "gypsies." Hadn't the Post writer been informed that it is no longer politically correct to refer to them that way? Now we are supposed to call them Roma.

The Roma are a distinct group of itinerants who originated centuries ago in India and made their way to Romania, hence the name. Until recently they were called gypsies and no one thought anything about it. To distinguish them from other, well, gypsies, they are now called Roma. Anyone can be a gypsy but not everyone can be a Roma. Are you with me?

For many of us, the word gypsy has romantic connotations of crystal balls, wanderlust and uninhibited barefoot dancing around a campfire, albeit after a day of clever scams and pick-pocketing. Gypsy women have given the fashion world hoop earrings, ankle bracelets, toe rings, arm bangles and flounced skirts.

Who decided the word was derogatory and why do we have to go along with it?

Should Cher change her song to "Roma, Tramps and Thieves?" Should Van Morrison re-write his lyrics as "It's just the Roma in my soul?" Should Stevie Nicks sing "Roma?" We can take this further: Should burlesque queen Gypsy Rose Lee now be referred to as Roma Rose Lee? Should kids who want to dress as gypsies for Halloween be told no, they can only dress as Roma?

Think about it.

Let's move on to the beautiful word Oriental. The root of it means "from the East." For some, that brings to mind exotic images of peaceful mountains, delectable food, colorful clothing, brilliant people. Nothing derogatory there, but it is now politically incorrect to say Oriental when referring to Asia or its people. Why?

To do so connotes a Western-centric view of the world. Don't Asians have an Eastern-centric viewpoint? Isn't it normal to look at the big picture from one's own vantage point? Should the word "Occidental" become politically incorrect because it connotes an Asian-centric view of the world?

In the meantime, should the Mandarin Oriental Hotel chain change its name to the Mandarin Asian? Should we stop eating Oriental chicken until it becomes Asian chicken? Should Agatha Christie's book be renamed "Murder on the Asian Express?"

When I was growing up, my mother told me never to use the term "colored people" because it was derogatory. Now it is politically correct to change the words around and refer to non-Caucasians as "people of color." Should Caucasians then be called "people of no color?"

I'm told that in the States "black" might be bordering on politically incorrect now, even though we were told to use it during the Black Power movement of the Civil Rights days. The correct term now is African-American. In Europe, it is still black/negro/nero/schwarz/noir.

Since the subject of this post is how to properly refer to people and things in the ever-changing world of political correctness, can I ask when it became okay to use the word "poop" in polite conversation and on the airways? As in: "My kid has to poop," "I need to poop," "I'm cleaning up dog poop," "She hasn't pooped in two days," "He was so scared he pooped his pants." Where did this come from?

Then there is the ubiquitous "butt." As in: "I kicked butt," "My butt is big," "She has a big butt," "I fell on my butt," "Let's kick butt!" There are songs that praise big ones ("I like big butts, I cannot lie") and a dance called 'Doin' da butt." Okay, I danced to it once. It was a wedding.

The thing is, some of us may call a Roma a gypsy or refer to something as Oriental rather than Asian. We may even slip and call a person of color black. Give us points, though, for never using the words our mothers told us were vulgar: poop and butt.

Our mothers were right.

Spoiled Brats

It has been two years since the United States had an economic collapse of historic proportions. We were on shaky ground, personally and nationally, and it scared us profoundly. Forgetting that the country had survived other economic meltdowns, we thought it was doomsday in America.

Since then there have been signs of a recovery, not as fast as our instant gratification tendencies would prefer, but slowly, if not always surely. Unemployment is still high at 9.6%, the exact rate it was in 1983 under President Reagan during that recession.

It has not been even two years since Barack Obama was elected president, and even less than that since he was inaugurated on January 20, 2009. He inherited a huge financial crisis, along with two wars, a super power country that did not have the power to provide health care for its citizens, and a nation held in low esteem around the world.

Remember?

It didn't take long for the Republican Party to start complaining about what Obama was or was not doing. They weren't ashamed to say they were going to do their best to obstruct whatever he tried to do. They did it with President Clinton, too, even shutting down the entire government for a time in 1994. Nothing surprising there.

What is astounding is how soon the very people who elected Obama began to pile on. He wasn't tough enough! He doesn't understand Washington! His advisors are giving him bad advice! He's not leading! He wants everyone to like him and you can't do that as president! His health care bill didn't go far enough! He just doesn't get it!

The twenty-four hour news cycle, with its hysterical pundits on both sides, feeds the frenzy. People who didn't even know they should be angry are riled up. People who should know better sit around at dinner parties shaking their heads in despair.

Can we stop being such spoiled brats?

Can we find another theme song rather than "The End" from the Doors: "We want the world and we want it N-O-O-W!?"

It takes longer than two years to dig out of the mess Obama inherited. That said, he has passed health care (which six previous presidents had failed to do), a stimulus package, Wall Street reform, reversed spending limits on stem cell research, has put relations with Russia on a positive track, is shrewdly managing our relations with China, is in the process of ending the unnecessary war in Iraq, and has restored respect for the United States around the world.

Not bad for less than two years in office.

But still our fellow Democrats can't get no satisfaction: "Yes, but he's going to make Democrats lose the House and Senate in the fall!"

Does anyone remember that President Clinton was blamed for losing the House (for the first time in forty years) and Senate in 1994 and still went on to have a successful presidency?

Apathetic Democrats are threatening to sit out the mid-term elections. That'll show 'em! The President calls that "irresponsible" and "inexcusable." He reminds us of what he said on his election night: He would not be able to solve all the problems of our country, nothing was going to be easy, he wasn't going to be able to please everyone.

Vice President Joe Biden cuts to the chase and tells the Democratic base to "...stop whining and get out there and look at the alternatives."

Yes, look at them and then stop giving them more ammunition.

Oral Fixation

I've just returned to London after an extended stay in the States. Is it my imagination or have we Americans developed a national oral fixation? Mouths are never still or unfilled, except perhaps when fingers are typing out messages on cell phones.

Go to a restaurant and you might encounter a friendly waiter who, after spieling out a list of daily specials that you can't remember by the time he finishes, decides to tell you his life story. There are times when this might be interesting, but generally when people are dining with friends they want to talk to those friends, not the waiter.

The meal itself might be served in portions so large that the sight of it kills your appetite. People will feign shock at the size but then eat everything served. If they don't, the unconsumed parts are taken away in a doggy bag so they can chow down later. After seventeen years of living abroad, I can't think of a time when I have seen that done here.

Walk down the street and you will notice many people carrying a drink of some kind. Where did this compulsive thirst come from? Is there a high risk of dehydration when we go to the grocery store, drive the kids to school, or walk three blocks? Or is the styrofoam coffee cup, plastic water bottle and out-sized soft drink container now considered a fashion accessory?

Take a train from Washington to New York and you may find yourself sitting near someone who has decided to discuss office problems, scold children, argue with a spouse or breakup with a lover, all on a cellphone, and loud enough for the whole car to hear. I admit this can be entertaining.

I chose the "quiet car" on Amtrak recently but even then could not escape incessant chatter. The train broke down soon after leaving the station, which caused the conductor to seize the microphone. She never said anything new, but clearly liked the sound of her enhanced voice as she blared every fifteen minutes, "The engineers are on the ground,working on the problem. I repeat, the engineers are on the ground, working on the problem. We will keep you advised of our progress. I repeat, we will keep you advised of our progress."

Side note: The engineers on the ground made no progress and we transferred to another train.

A doctor or nurse might explain that something you have asked about is 99.9% normal and detail how and why it occurs. You are content with the answer, relieved, and think the subject has ended when they continue, "But of course that .1% could be the sign of an extremely rare and serious condition which is difficult to treat. I've never actually seen it myself, but I've heard it can happen."

Can't they just shut up?

Cable television, with its 300 channels but nothing to watch, is filled with talk, talk, talk. Or should I just say hot air? Political commentators, "experts," advisers, reporters, politicians, all have too much to say while saying nothing. Some do it in an hysterical, hyper-ventilating manner that makes the viewer think the world is coming to an end. "Breaking news" might be a robbery in Texarkana that is covered with "on the scene" reporters as if weapons of mass destruction had been found there.

While standing at a make-up counter in Bloomingdale's, wondering if the new "lifting" face cream will really lift, a customer unknown to you might announce that she is treating herself to a new foundation today because she is having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Did you need to know that while deciding between the berry berry and mocha shades of lipstick?

Then there is the airline ticket agent who decides to give his take on last night's football game and the new quarterback with the customer in front of you while a long line forms behind you.

One of the things I love about Americans is our openness, but sometimes it really isn't necessary to share.

I discussed these observations with a friend who said, "But the Italians talk a lot, too, and you don't mind that."

True. But Italians drink in cafes or bars and eat reasonable portions in restaurants. The waiters are generally polite but never intrusive. It is a profession in Italy, as it is in many parts of Europe.

But okay, Italians do have effusive discussions about everything, from the right way to cut a tomato to whether or not the Pope is gay. Do they discuss their colonoscopies with a total stranger? I don't know.

I do know that all that talk just sounds better in Italian.

Oh, Baby!

Lately I have been congratulating myself for raising two children to adulthood. I followed all the guidelines of the time for healthy pregnancies and babies, but apparently I was misguided. It seems my children were exposed to a minefield of dangers.

If I were a new mother today, I would know better than to use a bumper pad on the baby's crib. When my children were infants, I was told to use them to protect their heads from banging against the crib bars. I noticed they liked to burrow the crowns of their tiny heads into the corners of the bumper, perhaps to simulate the coziness of the womb.

Who knew that the bumper, usually a part of a crib set that sets the theme for a nursery, was potentially lethal? Today, bumpers are thought to threaten the possible suffocation of a baby by not allowing enough air to circulate in the crib.

We were told to place our babies on their sides or stomachs when sleeping, but never on their backs. Why not? If they spit up, they might choke on the contents. Today's mothers are told to put their babies to sleep on their backs only, never on their stomachs. Why not? They might suffocate.

While nursing my babies I was told to drink beer to produce more abundant and richer milk. I am not a fan of beer, but I dutifully forced down one a day so my babies would reap the benefits. Today, that same act might be considered reckless endangerment to my child.

I didn't know that plastic bottles might contain harmful chemicals. Some primal instinct did keep me from ever warming them in the microwave, though. Whew.

Who knew that I should have used only organic crib sheets? Isn't cotton by its very nature organic?

Why didn't I realize that the beautiful organza-skirted bassinet was a potential danger because it might collapse? I still have never heard of one that did, but shouldn't I have researched bassinet makers and checked their safety records?

Today's expectant mother is told to steer clear of any renovation, sanding, or painting. They might pose a risk to the baby. I remember being in full nesting mode and having the nursery and trim on the outside of the house painted. There was also a deck added to the back of the house. How could I have been so careless?

Modern mothers are advised to avoid gardening within three feet of their home's foundation if it was built before 1978. I have no idea why. All I know is I should have used a measuring tape before planting those impatiens in the front yard.

And, oh! The other sins I unknowingly committed: Eating off of ceramic plates that were not certified lead-free. Wearing nail polish. Highlighting my hair. Eating soft cheese and tuna fish sandwiches (with mayo!). Partaking of caffeine. Taking clothes to the dry cleaners. Spritzing a little cologne here and there.

Given everything I did that would make today's young mother report me to social services, you can understand why I am so relieved that my babies survived infancy and childhood and grew to be healthy adults.

One more thing: I have always been a fanatic about clean drinking water. I never gave them anything but bottled (in glass) water that I had researched and determined to be clean. I felt good about that.

Later I learned the clean bottled water deprived them of the fluoride found in tap water, which may have contributed to a cavity or two. Even my best efforts were flawed.

I take comfort in the knowledge that our own parents and grandparents unknowingly did worse things (smoking, drinking, painting, eating deli meat, using cribs with wide slats, not using car seats or seat belts), and somehow we made it to adulthood.

The will to survive apparently survives parents.

Harrod's, Then and Now

In our building a large percentage of the residents come from the Middle East. London is the other Mecca, if you will, for well-heeled people from that part of the world. Everyone wants a place here, even if they only visit once or twice a year.

A big attraction in town is Harrod's. For that reason, a flat near the store is particularly prized. A Jordanian friend who has one there told us his wife "does not go to London, she goes to Harrod's."

The store was founded in London in 1834 and was British-owned until 1985, when it was bought by Mohamed Al-Fayed, an Egyptian. He sold it this year to the Qatari royal family for 1.5 billion pounds.

British friends tell me they won't shop there anymore because it has become "vulgar." Al-Fayed certainly made some tasteless additions to the store: a memorial to his son Dodi and Princess Diana was installed on the lower floor (crypt-like), and not satisfied with that, he erected larger-than-life statues of them near menswear, not far from a wax figure of himself.

Al-Fayed also lost the royal patronage seals that had given the store a certain cache almost since it was founded. People liked the idea of buying their Christmas cakes and table linens in the same place as the Queen. Al-Fayed accused Prince Philip of having Dodi and Diana murdered, which not surprisingly caused the Duke of Edinburgh, the Queen, the late Queen Mother and the Prince of Wales to take their patronage elsewhere. No royals have bought anything at Harrod's since 1997, the year Dodi and Diana died.

My guests always want to go there, which is the only time I do anymore. This is a marked change in behavior from when I was a visitor rather than a resident of London.

When we first brought our daughters here as little girls, Harrod's was a destination, along with the Tower of London and Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace. They loved the toy department, of course, and also had a good time looking at the fabulous evening dresses upstairs and the fancifully decorated cakes in the food halls. At that time there were cases of them. Now there are only few.

When we lived in Vienna several years ago, a friend and I came here for a weekend of shopping. It was January and sale time. Compared to staid Vienna, London had everything, including Harrod's. We arrived at the store when it opened and did not leave for eight hours. With 330 departments and over one million square feet of selling space, we had a lot to cover. When we got hungry, we chose from among 28 restaurants.

Fast forward to being a resident of London for ten years and you find me only grudgingly accompanying guests who want to go to there. I admit it is sometimes worth it, though, just to see the astonished looks on their faces when they encounter the Dodi and Diana memorial adjacent to the twin sphinxes with eternal flames.

top photo: luxist.com

Pick Your Hurdles

If I had waited a few days to write my last post (Morning Minefield, May 30), I could have added a few more things for all of us to worry about.

CNN is spending the week looking at various toxins around us and has also provided a list of "dirty" and "clean" vegetables. If you are munching on a non-organic celery stick right now, you could be in danger. Those pesticides don't wash off easily.

Several years ago we were invited to dinner at the home of a British journalist and his wife. At one point the wife said, "You Americans think if you jog every day, swallow lots of vitamins and are careful about what you eat, you will never die. Guess what? You'll die anyway."

Even though I stiffen when any sentence begins with "You Americans" and thought our hostess was generally full of herself, I never forgot what she said. I find myself thinking of it each time we are cautioned to stop doing this or using that.

I'm schizophrenic about how I react to all the yellow and red lights that are constantly flashing in our lives. I want to know about the dangers but only take a few of them seriously enough to change my habits.

We don't smoke and don't like to be around the second-hand stuff. It makes sense that this habit is not healthy.

Ever since taking an environmental course in university years ago, I have been careful about the water I drink. There have been studies that claim city water is as clean or cleaner than bottled water, but if you turn on the tap and smell chlorine and the water has a metallic or oily aftertaste, it probably isn't as pure as a bottle of Panna. I am more aware of drinking out of plastic now (possible BPA) but still do it.

Make-up and perfumes may contain toxins but I'm not giving them up or changing brands. I will always be ready to try the latest anti-aging cream or long-lasting lipstick, and I loved it when I heard one of my daughters say, "That perfume reminds me of Mom when we are in Italy."

I stay away from artificial sweeteners and diet drinks on the theory that if I am going to eat or drink something sweet, natural sugar might be better than pure chemicals.

We don't have artificial air fresheners and try to use "green" cleaning products (except laundry detergent, which is the same one my mother used).

We have non-stick pans but got rid of the Teflon because it scratches off if you don't use the right utensils (and my husband doesn't). Digesting it probably isn't good for us.

We have a Mediterranean diet, but should eat even more fish.

I worry about electro-magnetic fields now and then, but we still have cordless phones, wi-fi, etc. Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN says he always uses headsets with his cell phone, and I've been thinking about doing that for long conversations. Maybe we all should. That seems like a reasonable precaution against possible future brain tumors.

Let's do what makes sense to us and retain our senses of humor about jumping through another hurdle whenever a new report comes out. Keep in mind those studies can soon reverse themselves, as they did regarding vitamin E, selenium, hormones, statin drugs, sunscreen, to name a few.

The healthiest approach to the perils of life came from a friend commenting on the last post: "Look at it this way, all of those terrible things are making our immune systems better little warriors."

Or as another friends says, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Morning Minefield

Did you know your sheets might be a health hazard? I didn't either. It turns out our luxurious high-thread count cotton sheets may have been bleached and soaked in pesticides. Hopefully we have washed most of it out in hot water, but are we aware the detergent we used may contain unhealthy chemicals, too? It's enough to ruin a good night's sleep.

We need our rest because when we roll out of bed in the morning, we face a minefield of dangers.

We jump into the shower, savoring the spray that wakes us up. But don't enjoy it too much. If we don't have a filter on the shower, the city water flowing over us may be full of toxic substances (lead, chlorine) that are penetrating our skin. The shower head itself may be harboring bacteria (make a note to use mostly metal ones). The chemicals in our soap and shampoo may be dangerous, too. It turns out the stuff that promises silky smooth skin and shiny, bouncy hair may be abetting our eventual demise.

Brushing our teeth seems safe. If we use Listerine, however, we are warned that the alcohol content may cause mouth cancer.

Deodorant? We better make sure there is no aluminum in it on the chance that it will cause breast cancer.

We religiously apply the sunscreen that for years we have been strongly advised to use to avoid skin cancer. But then we hear about a new report that says the use of some of the most popular sunscreens may, in fact, cause skin cancer.

It seems unregulated chemicals in the stuff are harmful. Hats, covering up exposed areas (hard to do in the pool), sunglasses, and avoiding the sun during the hottest part of the day are all advised. Just be sure those sunglasses have proper lenses that screen out the harmful rays or we risk ending up with macular degeneration.

Women may apply a little make-up. But wait! The chemicals in our creams and lipstick may make us more beautiful but they could also make us ill. If we are true earth mothers, we can apply a little olive oil to moisturize and smear a beet on our cheeks and lips for color. If we prefer not to smell like a salad or look like a clown, we can just risk it and use our Clinique.

A spritz of cologne or after shave? We may love a subtle scent but don't enjoy it too much. There may be unhealthy chemicals in our favorite fragrance, too.

If our clothes have been dry cleaned, we risk exposing ourselves to harmful solvents.

We go into the kitchen for a glass of water, which shouldn't come from a plastic bottle because BPA may have leaked into it. I know we aren't supposed to be drinking bottled water at all for green reasons, but that's another subject. If we are using filtered water, we better make sure the filters are changed often enough or we risk serious consequences. City water? Forget it. It's full of contaminants, and we got enough of those when we showered in it.

We may want to scramble an egg or make oatmeal. We like to use a non-stick pan because clean up after those two items is a chore. But wait! Make sure it is not Teflon! It's been linked to serious health problems.

Do you want peanut butter on your toast? Be careful! The peanuts used to make it may have harbored a mold that could cause health problems. Open that jar of Jif or Skippy at your own risk.

Taking medications of any kind? All the things we have been told are keeping us healthy might actually be making us sick. Just hope for the best. Taking vitamins? Make sure you are not over-dosing or taking supplements that may contain harmful chemicals.

As we pass through the house we encounter all kinds of potential hazards: cordless phones, cell phones, clock radios, wireless stations, microwaves, electric blankets, and who knows what else may all be creating electro-magnetic fields that could affect our health. Short of walking around in a space age suit that deflects the field, what are we to do?

We've run a gauntlet of dangers and it's not even 9 am. Armed with hand sanitizers, anti-bacterial wipes, and perhaps tranquilizers to deal with the anxiety generated from all the perils we face, we venture forth, always on guard against life's dangers.

We can do research to find the safest sunscreens, cosmetics, soaps, pots and pans, cell phones, etc. It's easy with google. We can be aware of the most serious health hazards, but at what point do we stop obsessing and just enjoy life?